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The Advent Conspiracy Promo Video from theadvance on Vimeo.

Sundance Snow Scene from the becker on Vimeo.

I don't like my birthday and every year since I was 27 I freak out.  I don't know why or understand, maybe it's a glaring poke in the eye about my mortality.  It could be about goals or milestones that I have yet to reach or maybe I am not who I though I was gonna be when I was in my teens, but who in the hell knows what they want to be when they grow up.  Maybe that's it...I don't know what I want to be when I grow up and I am running out of time to grow up!  I have been very blessed to be able to go in many different directions but I still feel I am not doing what I was meant to be.  A golfer, a soldier, a photographer, a community service program director, a teacher, a father, a husband.  I'v been a lot of things and will continue to be but something is still empty on the career side of my life.  I am totally happy and fulfilled on the family side, but still I don't know what I am to be as a grown up!  

My comfort zone is not that of a normal individual and often I feel that I don't fit into the way of life shared by millions in this country.  That may be my challenge, I am not in my comfort zone.  I have been in the zone many times but for some reason on my birthday, I see myself naked (very scary), alone, lost or zoned out.  But always looking, looking back and looking forward.  Searching for fulfillment in what I do.  If you happen upon my on or around my birthday and you find me stoical and distant, searching.  I'm looking for that person I want to be when I grow up...and I really do have the time!  

We all have the time to be who we want to be when we grow up.  There is a blessed path but sometimes we get distracted and jump on a trail that takes us to a place we don't want to be.  When you find yourself lost, stay put, don't panic and listen...the Lord will find you and take you back to your path and give you what you need to continue down YOUR path! This occurs to be most often around my birthday so I just sit down and wait, the Lord will find me and guide me back in the right direction, down that path to being who He wants me to be when I grow up!

The season Fall, signifies many things in our lives, but primarily change.  The time changes, the weather changes, our view on our lives change, our goals change, and every 4 years a presidential change (well most of the time).

I don't discuss politics much because it makes me sick.  Every election year it's the same old story, the professional politician promises you exactly what you want to hear and we are stupid enough to believe him.  Then once in office, the politician, recants his promises and suggests that we lower our expectation of him/her.  Then for the next several years we exist in our lives as the politician we elected gains power and wealth following the path which benefits him the most and his constituents the least.

This season of change, again finds me at a crossroad in my live.  Yea, I am dealing with another birthday and some more gray hair and more wrinkles, but at least I have hair!  But the decision I face as I stand in the middle of my path is which direction to take.  One direction leads to financial security, but with sacrifice and the other direction leads to more personal satisfaction.  But this comes with financial insecurity, worry and doubts.

But unlike our elected officials, this is not about me, but my growing family, I'm gonna be a Grand Dad next month!  I have never been really good at looking down the path to our future, I'v always taken the path that I want, but this time I am not sure that is the right path to take.  

I need to follow my heart and do what is best for everyone in the long run.  Everything we do comes at a cost or sacrifice.  This time the sacrifice pales in comparison to the benefits of me choosing a different path this Fall.